Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
