It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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