A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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