allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
