do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm bleeding and have questions
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize