I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
