Heybabeimwearingurpanties
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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