i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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