Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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