I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
