So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
