ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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