somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
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