i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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