My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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