He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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