I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
