when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
