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i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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