Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
