you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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