I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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