I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
