Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
NoShamevember. You game?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Randomize
