The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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