I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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