Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
