dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
