I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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