I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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