if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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