The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
