This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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