Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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