I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
