I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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