yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
