I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I wish there were birth control emojis
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
