Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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