Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
