Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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