Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
