I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
