Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
we're so committed to being not committed
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
