There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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