moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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