Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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