Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
