She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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