I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
