i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
