I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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