Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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