i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
