totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
