maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
