Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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