He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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