Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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