You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
