i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
