Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
im holly from the hills drunk
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
