Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Let's get the cat blown out
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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