i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
