He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
